Earlier when I was preaching, I shared the phrase, “Study God, study people, study yourself.” As I look back on the three years during which I studied for the Master of Divinity in the seminary, besides learning the original languages and theological knowledge, the most unexpected gain was learning how to listen quietly to the voice of God.
Every winter, the seminary holds a five-day, four-night retreat, allowing each student ample time to quiet themselves, sort out their lives, and draw near to God. The first year’s retreat was my very first encounter with a labyrinth. Facing the labyrinth, I did not know where the “starting point” was, so I casually chose a place and began to walk slowly in silence. As I walked, I kept thinking about what it meant to use the labyrinth “correctly,” what counted as “walking in silence,” and further, what it meant to have a close relationship with God, and what constituted a “good” spiritual life. My heart was full of doubts.
Suddenly, a voice in my mind asked, “Why do you doubt your relationship with God? Did you not clearly seek confirmation before stepping onto the theological journey? Do you need to experience a miracle like manna every day before you feel that God is with you?” Indeed, God has never left. It is just that when busy work and the many demands of the world fill our thoughts and minds, these noisy voices drown out the voice of God.
When I unknowingly reached the centre of the labyrinth and looked back, I was surprised to discover that I had indeed taken a “wrong” path at the beginning. At that moment, I had an impulse to start over, as if I had done an assignment incorrectly and needed to “correct” it. But a voice in my mind immediately stopped me and said, “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that you walked the wrong path earlier. What matters most is that now you have reached the centre and found Jesus. From now on, Jesus will walk with you!” Just as in life we inevitably make many mistakes, what matters most is that we are now with Jesus. The past does not need to be erased, because God wants to use my whole life, including my successes and failures, my strengths and weaknesses.
Enjoying the joy of being with the Lord, I continued from the centre of the labyrinth toward the exit, while at the same time thinking about how I should walk the path of future ministry. Suddenly, I realized that the next activity time was approaching, and in my heart arose a fear like that of an exam time drawing near while half the paper was still unfinished! But that voice said to me, “It doesn’t matter. If you can’t finish walking it, allow it to remain unfinished. I will be with you and lead you step by step.” For every pastor or every person who serves God, this is a very important reminder: work will never be finished; what matters is whether we are co-working with God.
From then on, no matter how busy ministry becomes, I insist that in addition to regular Bible reading and devotion, I set aside another hour each week for silent retreat. It may be copying Scripture, meditating on a verse, or listening to gentle music. In the process of silent retreat, I find that it becomes easier to hear God’s voice, to discern which thoughts are my own, and to be able to dialogue with God. What an incredibly sweet time this is!
Our relationship with God is not merely that of “Lord” and “slave,” with only “work-related communication,” but rather that of “Heavenly Father” and “children.” We can chat with Him about daily matters, and we can also complain to Him and act like a child before Him. Do you know that you too are the beloved child of the Heavenly Father?
“The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”
(Romans 8:15–16, NIV)
Pastor Christine Cheung